My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
