her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
