What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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