Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
