Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
