Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
