I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
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