you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
