You really coming over, don't trick.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
