both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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