how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
