Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
