I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
