There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
