everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Randomize
