Apparently you make a good broom.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
