oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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