Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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