There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
