Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
