All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
