May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
