1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
