Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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