Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize