I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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