If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
