Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
