i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
