i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
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