DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
