walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm passing your future prison.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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