the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
OPIZZABONMYDICK
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
