True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
