I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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