Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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