My liver just broke up with me...
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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