i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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