I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
