is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize