Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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