tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
