If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
