ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
