Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
My liver just had a heart attack.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
