where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
