An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
