this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
