Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
