Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
