You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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