I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize