she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
