do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
