The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
