I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Randomize
