omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
