You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Even the bartender felt bad for me
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
