Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
