ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm bleeding and have questions
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
