can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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