you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
