there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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