well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
