dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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