bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
