Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
