I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
